Saturday, April 10, 2010

More than one month has passed since I last blogged properly. One thing is for sure that I've lost the edge and feel to blog at all, but I guess I'll give an update of my life.


Today's date is 10th April 2010. This could probably be the saddest day I've ever lived in so far this year. Everything is just bad and stuff. I think since almost nobody reads this page I can give you "readers" a good summary of what happened today.



April 10th 2010: Saddest day ever


I woke up at 6:30am earlier today, my mind still paralyzed by the fact that I only managed to score an E for Bio BT1. Nevertheless I had this thought that today will be a good day as I would be contributing back to society by doing CIP. The CIP's meeting place was at YMCA Orchard at 8:30am, and I arrived there promptly at around 8:25am.


After waiting for awhile, my good friend Putt arrived. We joined the group that we were allocated to and waited patiently for the introduction and instructions. I realised that my OG mate last year that is currently in 09S01 was in my group as well, and it sure was heartening to see that we are still on talking terms.


The instructions didn't came for a long time, so everybody in the waiting hall were basically chatting away. At one point in time, I asked my OG mate whether there was a guy in 09S18 who dropped Econs and went to his class. Just then Putt, beside me, suddenly shouted: Hey I'm from 09S18 what why you don't ask me ask him! Walao bastard le!

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This was when my heart took its first plunge down a long flight of stairs covered with spikes. You may think that I'm overreacting, but at that very moment when the b-word came out I was totally offended and extremely upset. It actually took awhile before the full effect took its toll on me. I suddenly became very subdued when almost every other people in the waiting hall are chatting animatedly with each other.


A J1 junior of mine, by the name of Calvin, was already there and we were chatting before this incident happened. Putt still had no idea that she just offended me with a very "light" scolding. After awhile, I said to Putt: "You know, I am really upset by what happened just now."


Putt's face changed totally, she was actually smiling and suddenly she looked extremely worried. She claimed that she HAD NO IDEA WHAT BASTARD MEANT and thought that it is not really that hurtful when used casually. At that point in time I was thinking: If it is like between 4 close guy friends playing lan and one of them made a stupid mistake, it should be ok that one guy suddenly shout, "Walao, basket case la!/bastard!", but the fact that Putt scolded me that, obviously unintentionally, still kind of upsetted me, owing to the fact that I'm already abit upset over my Bio results.


C for Calvin, A for myself, P for Putt


C: What's wrong
A: (in chinese so that P won't understand, repeated what just happened)
C to P: Waa this guy is angry
P: Whaaaat. Sorry la Anselm I didn't mean to say that to you
A: (quiet)



And so, you can roughly guess the rest. Putt placed her head into her thighs and didn't look up for like 4 minutes. I whispered to Calvin whether I had gone overboard, and he slowly nodded his head. So I told Putt that I'm no longer angry with her, and her face was still filled with that sense of guilt and unhappiness when she looked up.

P: It wasn't intentional. Now I'm sad cause I offended you...
A: It's ok I'm not angry anymore
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And the usual stuff


So the CIP thing continues and so on and obviously I am not really that enthusiastic about the whole thing anymore. One probable reason was what happened in the morning, or the fact that I'm sweating like crazy. (Punggol is such a hot and humid place!)The overall good thing is I get to make friends with the team leaders Michelle and Stephen, and their friendliness really cheered me up abit. Putt managed to make me laugh totally by letting me listen to "Hot and Cold" when we were on our way to Punggol. Her nicely timed action made me laugh and laugh when I'm listening to the funny tune at the beginning of the song. Pretty soon, it was time to go home and the time was about 4:45pm.

I alighted with Putt at Boon Keng and she sent me off at the bus stop. She timidly mentioned about what happened in the morning again and once again apologised about her action.


P: I am really sorry. Today I didn't dare to talk to you because you look like you don't want to talk to me, and I know why... Basically you react just the same as Kevin when you get lousy results and I go and do that. You should know me ma, sometimes I just don't know what I'm saying and whether it's hurtful or not...


Already feeling like crap during that time, I once again assured Putt that I'm no longer angry anymore. I just need to get back home, change, jog and try to forget about today's incident. I went, and I reached home to slack at around 7:10pm


I remembered the fact that today is SYF Central Judging for Display Bands 2010 and my school, namely BPGHS, is participating. Due to my CIP I could not make it to the indoor stadium to support the band. Anyway I wanted to meet up with the band in school when they returned to keep the instruments so that we can have supper together and catch up. So I called my Section Leader during my batch and he didn't answer. So I smsed him to sms me once they are on the way back from the indoor stadium.


No news whatsoever from him all the way until around 10:30pm. Beginning to lose hope I tried calling him again, since during 2006 and 2008 we never really ended that late. My first call was a no answer, and by the second time the phone was off. I went onto facebook and pictures of band members eating supper at Lot 1 McDonalds are already uploaded via iPhone.


That's what it's all about! Today is simply the worst I've experienced this far. Had I not gone for a jog to let out my feelings, I would have felt like shit. Well, guess I need to listen to songs like Bad Romance and Where'd You Go to pick myself up again.


It's getting late. Next week would be PW results. Hopefully it will cheer me up greatly, come as expected, or cast me even deeper into my already worsening emo-ness. I think I shall update again next week when my full set of BT1 results are out. I need some serious self-reflection. Seeya!
I posted at 11:12 PM